Not everyone is willing to jump off the edge without knowing what there is beyond it.
I had this friend, now I can’t call him a friend anymore, but at that time I thought I could. He was quite a reserved and shy person and I was not, I’ve never been. I might be shy sometimes, but I have never had problems in telling my business to other people, that is also the reason why I am writing on a public platform.
Anyway, I should have respected him instead of forcing him to be more like me, only because I felt like it was my right to do that. It’s never good to be selfish, and that is a valuable lesson I have learned also thanks to him.
I wanted him to tell me his deepest secrets, convincing myself that I was doing it for him while instead I was doing it for me, just because I wanted to know what was going on. But when we started to become closer and closer, he got too attached to me and he started to feel stuff. On my account, I was annoyed by it.
I wanted him to be braver with girls, too, and he made me laugh a bit when he acted all goofy around them. Like I owned the truth.
If I look back I feel like a complete piece of shit. I was “young”, all right, but that is not an excuse. When I grew up, looked back and understood all of those things – we were no longer close at the time – I began to act more politely with him the rare times we happened to hang out together, he got it and I realized I could have cared more of him and gained a friend instead of a surrogate one, and the other way around too: I could have been a better person and not be a surrogate of a friend myself.
Now it is too late. I have no regrets anymore, I believe that you have to let things go by at a certain point, but what I want to say is that through other people you can learn so much about yourself and the way you behave in order to get what you want, and how you could be less selfish and childish, without telling yourself stories that are not true, such as “I do care” or “I do LOVE you” (such an abused word) and grow up by admitting what’s real and what’s not.
Thank you P.