To my dear flat mate and friend K.
What happens when all of the lights go off and all you can see is the dark? You get into a circle of negativity where everything goes around and comes back around in the worse way possible. You have to break the chain in order to get out. You find something positive, even if it’s a tiny thing, and you hold on to it. Then the positives things become two, then three and it will be extra bright again.
However, I believe that it is easy to have ambitions, but it is hard to actually conquer them. So which questions should we ask and what answers should we consider? And after we figure it out we have to make sense of all of it. The mission is to find peace within ourselves and with the world around us. There are no shortcuts to be taken.
If I think about it I don’t want to stop feeling, I just want to stop hurting. I really never had luck with my decisions and I’ve been so hard on myself wanting something that was never there. But I hold on to my certainties, I try to do as much as possible to keep my mind and my body going, and I try to forget about my bad decisions. The past is in the past and yesterday is not today. My medicine is writing. I just write about everything, I write about how I feel when I am afraid, I write when anxiety overrules possible smiles, I write when I want to fix something. And today I am feeling ok, I smile every day.
You have to feel good about yourself for other people to like you. Be quick, because you never get a second shot at first impressions. Moments don’t last forever, and I promise you that tomorrow will hurt a tiny less. Don’t be so scared of the dark because you are all of the lights. So, turned them up.